To Feel. My Feelings

I have dissembled and denied and

For so long I have declined

To feel.

My feelings,

Cause immense untold remembering

The Pain. On Pain. On Pain. On pain…

Muted I go through life smiling

Silently, I am struggling not

To feel.

My feelings,

Stay hidden most of the time except when I’m

Screaming they all come rushing out.

Avoiding remembering and reckoning,

What is the final tally, the total cost

To feel.

My feelings

When avoided eventually cause tension and strife and

Screaming. Pain on pain. Come rushing out.

Believing against hope that maybe, I

Can begin to someday learn once again

To feel.

My feelings

To feel them but not be them is the goal,

To experience, to learn, to grow, to move on.